Tuesday 21 June we received a message from our former petsitter Maree in Australia. Armed with lots of bread and carrots she went to see our geldings in their agistment place which is not too far from where she lives. She has known these beautiful boys for quite some time now, and has taken care of them and nurtured them whenever we went on holiday.
Her message was clear: they look good, happy and content. They are developing thick winter coats as the temperature drops in South East Queensland. They have adjusted, acclimatised and do what horses do: live in the here and now, a concept which I am having huge difficulties with as I struggle to come to terms with the events that have occurred since the day after Anaiis arrived.
Anaiis does what the geldings did: she is adjusting to life in the Netherlands, accepts the routine of being stabled at night and being out in the paddock with a small herd during the day. She has made friends immediately and soon becomes the ‘girl to hang out with’. Not only the horses like her, but the people who work there or have horses in agistment appreciate her sweet nature. Within days of her arrival we start introducing her to all things new in her environment. She amazes us every time; curious but alert she walks with us each morning through the forests which lie exactly opposite the stable. Her coat starts glowing again, she is putting on weight and her hindquarters are gaining in strength. The forest is enchanting, be it early in the morning with the fog lifting or giving cool shade during a hot day. We navigate around huge logs which once formed part of an old cross country course and meander through quiet country roads. Bicycles, joggers, dogs and on the road the massive farm trucks do not bother her, and if they do, we drop our energy and within seconds she stands looking at these monsters like a seasoned police horse.
Andrew and Anaiis in the forest.
It is sheer joy to be with her like this and we miss our walks whenever we have commitments elsewhere in the country. Sometimes, in the afternoon, I take her into either the indoor or outdoor arena and try some of the exercises Klaus had us do while I attended two Compact Schoolings last year. I feel clumsy and miss the all-seeing eye of Klaus who would be sitting in his hunting chair helping us ‘from above’. I apologise for my clumsiness and keep promising her she will meet the best horseman I know in a couple of months time.
By the time Maree’s e-mail message has reached us with the positive news about the geldings I am telling our horse that a new, as yet uncertain future lies ahead of us. I explain that our journey to Lyø and our participation in the 1-year-schooling has come to a grinding halt. The past one and a half months have made it very clear that both Andrew and I can no longer believe in attending the course that was to be a life-changing experience for all of us.
Integrity and honesty are for me the core values upon which trust is built. Trust has to be complete, both towards a teacher and from a teacher, but in the context of the one-year-schooling also between fellow students. Without this trust, the foundation cannot be established upon which to start and continue the learning process.
My once unshakeable trust in Klaus has tumbled down: first in slow motion, stone by stone, as yet another truth comes to light, then, after our meeting with him on his farm last week, the entire picture becomes clear following reflection and I can only do what is right for me under these circumstances: leave the pile of rubble that has no foundation.
Today I look my horse in the eye and tell her it IS possible to bury the past, to start afresh. I feel very optimistic and trust my intuition. We all have a huge journey ahead of us, there is no doubt about that. It is now up to Andrew and I which road we want to travel, a road that will make us more aware, will help us grow, and one that will inspire us and our horses.
Thank you for having shared this journey so far.
Lieve Vicky……HOLY SHIT……dit is niet niks……….
Zoals ik Andrew schreef …ik ben totaal sprakeloos…..
Hoewel je vast nog geen inkling hebt van wat de zin van dit alles is, zal dat je zeker wel duidelijk worden in time and space…..
Ik wens jou en Andrew heel veel sterkte…in ieder geval is je beslissing genomen….wat een onvoorwaardelijke liefde bestaat er tussen jullie.. ..prachtig en ontroerend dat te lezen en te voelen……
Liefs, Geerteke
Dear Geerteke, many many thanks for your messages both here and privately. It’s now exactly one week ago I took the decision not to go to Lyo and I feel very relaxed about it and am convinced it was the right decision.
The new road will no doubt become much clearer in the next weeks or so, but for now we are truly enjoying our time with family and friends.
Love
Vicki
“No matter how far you travelled the wrong road: Trun around!”
I am glad that you have taken this proverb to heart. I think it is a good decision, albeit I am well aware that the limbo you will find yourself in will create a difficult uncertainty.
Hang in there, “Alles sal reg kom!”
Wim
Hi Wim. Thanks for your empathy and the Afrikaans proverb. The limbo is indeed a bit unsettling, although I suspect that we have actually moved forward rather than turned around. The turnoff to Lyo that we have just passed now looks as though it could have been a wrong turning. Perhaps the right one is still somewhere ahead. Whatever the case, we feel we are on the right road. We just don’t know where it is leading us to. Sounds a bit like life itself. Love to Marga. Take care. Andrew
“Alles sal reg kom!” It’s already happening…
Vic
The “TRUN around” was an unintended pun!
I feel your pain! How extraordinarily hard to let go of a dream and turn away, whatever the reasons. xxx
Alexia, as a good friend of ours said in her message: you first gave up everything for your dream and now you had to give up the dream itself.
Our thoughts are with you as well..
Andrew and Vicki
Oh Vicki!!!
Hey Vicky,
Na ons gesprekje gisteren heb ik jullie blog bekeken en met bewondering gelezen wat er in jullie en Anais haar leven is veranderd om terecht te komen in Hooge Mierde als tijdelijk onderkomen vóór jullie reis naar Denemarken; wat een immense kracht en vertrouwen heb je daarvoor nodig! Wees ervan overtuigd dat deze 2 waardevolle eigenschappen jullie zeker weer in rustiger vaarwater laten belanden en deuren zal openen naar nieuwe mogelijkheden!!
Ik wens jullie alle goeds om dat te bereiken!
Susan van PaardenTijd
Dank je Susan. Ik kijk inderdaad af en toe terug met enige verbazing welke mijlpalen we al hebben verzet om hier te komen; dat vertrouwen dat ik toendertijd had moet ik even zien terug te vinden, maar dat komt wel goed!
Goodness gracious…what happened Vicki to have all your trust come tumbling down in ruins???…perhaps I’ve missed a blog or 2. I can only say that this motto can come in good stead!….”Good comes of bad!” I’ve found this to be true so many times 😉 There’s always a useful learning to be had from any experience whether it is good or bad.
ATB,
xxTANxx
(Your past Horse Homoeopath)
Dear Tanya
How wonderful to see you here! We have been overwhelmed by the responses both on the blog and privately. I am sure in time we will understand the reasons for all of this. For now I try not to think too far ahead. Every day brings something new, some are brighter than others but never bad..
Oi Oi Oi Vicki and Andrew!
I am deepy sad not to be sharing the year with you three,
and ofcourse nervous as to what I shall find in Klaus.
I am at least very sure I want to go find out for myself.
So step at a time.
Thank you for not sending me all the details so i am not swamped by them.
I suspect the new path you are on will be as alive as the beautiful paths through
the forest that you walk with Anais.
much love
kate
Dear, dear Kate. We too are sad that we will not be sharing the year with you. I still recall us all sitting around the table during the last Body Awareness weekend we organised in Bellingen in March thinking that five of us at that table would be sharing a home together for a year while learning from Klaus. We were on fire and committed. The disappointment and anger which replaced that fire and commitment have now dissipated in the wake of a half-expected development (see our next posting). We are able to smile again and move on. Our new path is alive and beautiful although we do not as yet have any idea where it is leading us. We are taking it one step at a time. May your sojourn on Lyo be blessed. Please keep in touch. Love. Andrew