There have been odd times when I have found myself wondering what I was doing with a horse. In the past those moments usually occurred after I had done it, only to realise that the horse was wondering about the same thing. Over time the gap between when I did something and when I wondered about it began to close. The horses were still wondering what I was doing but then I began to listen to them a lot sooner. Now I usually stop within seconds of my horse looking at me quizzically, as though I had just stepped off another planet with some truly weird ideas. And it is then that I often realise it is time for closeness.
Slow learner
For someone whom others sometimes consider to be reasonably intelligent because I have a way with words, I am all too frequently a slow learner. At least, this is what my horses and others have often shown me. It is a humbling message if you make the effort to listen to the messengers.
Perhaps the most embarrassing of those all too frequent moments was the time when Vicki and I visited our geldings, Gulliver and Farinelli, in Australia in October 2013. It had been two and a half years since we had seen the boys and in the meantime we had learned and developed so much, that we felt an urge to share this with them.
Clueless and connectionless in 2013, the result being incomprehension
In particular, I recall that I made a conscious effort to connect with the guys energetically while attempting to execute a few manoeuvres with them in the field. With hindsight I realised that the effort was self-defeating by its very nature. In my post dealing with that visit (http://horsesandhumans.com/blog/2013/11/17/into-the-herd/) I wrote the following about our interaction with Gulliver and Farinelli:
It was clear that, although they may not have missed us, they did appreciate our presence, although there was the odd misunderstanding on the part of both species too when we misread each other’s body language. This I put down to the difficulty of trying to match old ways with new insights.
Knock before you enter
Looking back, I realise that the disconnection between horses and humans during our visit to Gulliver and Farinelli was far more basic. We were not just re-entering their world without knocking. Worse, we were breaking down the door. The deep connection which we almost took for granted with our mares because we saw them every day, was one that we simply did not have with the boys.
For a start, we had not been capable of having it two and a half years earlier when we had last seen the geldings. Secondly, we had not taken the time to develop such a connection with them during our 2013 visit before I naïvely attempted to replicate what I was doing with Pip on a daily basis in Europe. And in the course of developing such a deep connection and the relationship underlying it based on mutual trust, care and reliability, closeness is everything.
Closeness
So just what do I mean when I refer to “closeness”? Perhaps I can best answer this with an example. So let us fast forward to November and December this year, when we last visited Gulliver and Farinelli. This time Vicki and I were both intuitively aware of the need to just spend time with the boys, either doing nothing or doing something which did not make any demands of them.
Doing nothing is really difficult if you have an agenda. If you do not, it is as easy as enjoying the natural beauty in which our geldings live either standing or sitting on the grass while our horses grazed. At a certain point the boys took turns to come and check out what we were doing before returning to their munching.
Sometimes one of the guys would come up to check out what was happening
Doing something usually took the form of an activity which the horses found to be exceedingly pleasant or very helpful. They arched against our fingers when we gave them scratches, dozed as we groomed them and sank into a cocoon of wellness when we performed Equine Touch with them. An afternoon shower of cold water on a hot day was also welcome. Farinelli even enjoyed having his willy cleaned.
By the time we took our farewell of the geldings, I felt that, if time had permitted, all of us would have been ready for the next big step. If all goes well, that time should not be far off when we next visit them. Hopefully, this will be in late February next year.
More closeness required?
Back in Spain we encountered two somewhat agitated mares. Anaïs was a bit more demanding than usual, to the point of being up a bit too close and personal. Pip, in particular, was anything but amused, even lunging at Anaïs when she and Vicki passed too close to us. Uncharacteristic behaviour, I’ll say!
So what was responsible for this? On the one hand, I suspect that it had something to do with the fact that we arranged for someone else to exercise our mares in our absence. We were aware that they would not have the same connection with our horses but felt that this concern would be offset by the exercise our girls would get. Clearly, this was an equation which my mare was anything but appreciative of.
The last meal at Equinatural – the round pen and rear paddock are gone
Something else will undoubtedly also have played a role. Due to less than friendly behaviour on the part of the new owners of the property where our livery yard, Equinatural, is based, it has been decided to close down the yard at the end of this year. Some of the infrastructure has already been dismantled and a bit more is being removed every day. It would be impossible for our mares not to notice this, along with all the other mares in the herd. This may have been responsible for some of the underlying disquiet.
The Christmas chick
It was clear to me that I should not even contemplate any form of training, while Pip was in such a state. Having learned the lesson of closeness from our geldings on the other side of the world, I opted for more of the same with our mares.
Anaïs responding to my new after shave
Pip and I hung out together, shared grooming and Equine Touch sessions, and I trimmed her hooves (at liberty as usual, although a bit more patience was demanded of me than usual). Anaïs was not to be left out either, nor did she want to. While celebrating her fifteenth birthday on Christmas Day, she initiated a smooching session with me. Perhaps it was my new after shave which got her going. Whatever the case, it again became clear to me, not only that closeness is something our Christmas chick really appreciates but that it is also an indispensable part of developing the relationship and connection between horse and human.
The next big thing
Although closeness can produce magic, several days passed before I really noticed the difference in Pip. She began to relax as we eased back into our familiar ways with each other. Before I could resume any form of exercise with her, however, our sojourn at Equinatural came to a premature close and it was time for the next big thing. More about that next time.
A selfie with our Aussie boys
Horses and Humans on Facebook
May I remind you that we now have a Horses and Humans group on Facebook. If you would like to leave a comment, you can do so on this blog or on the the Horses and Humans Facebook group page. All new posts will feature on that page along with additional content posted by any of our members. Please feel free to join us at:
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Equine Touch
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http://www.humansforhorses.com/
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